Because those men already have boyfriends.
-Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
- Wife wanted
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife Wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the samething: “You can have mine.”
- Will power
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your will power.”
- 3 rings of marriage
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
- still paying
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
- Two blondes going to Disneyland…
saw a roadsign that said “Disneyland Left”
so they turned around and went back home.
- What are the two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
No mind. No business.
- What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
- What did the blonde yell in an emergency?
“What’s the number for 911?”
- What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.
- What is a man’s idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
- What is the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
- What is the thinnest book in the world?
“What Men Know About Women”
- What kind of cars do cats drive?
Catillacs
- Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
To a mewseum
- Why do blondes only get a half hour for lunch?
Because if they were gone longer you would have to retrain them.
- Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
- Why is a BMW a blonde’s favorite car?
Because she can’t spell Porsche.
- How many men does it take to open beer bottle?
None. It should be open by the time she brings it.
- How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three! One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
- Husband: “I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it.”
Wife: “You wear briefs, don’t you?”
- Miss Right
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
- miss the x
I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is getting better.
- How do you make a blonde laugh on Tuesday?
Tell a joke on Monday.
- How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don’t know when it’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, and how long it’ll stay.
- congressmen
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. — Mark Twain
- creation
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
- cryptography
When cryptography is outlawed, bayle hgynj jvfyy unirc vinpl.
- debts
If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem -
John Paul Getty
- Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
He’s all-right now!
- Don’t interrupt
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
